Get off my lawn you Twittering punk!


Another resume for a “Social Media Marketing Expert”  landed on my desk. Every month, I see several of these. But for some reason, this one grabbed my attention. I didn’t examine the curious sense of importance I subconsciously attached to this particular resume but I think I knew why–I’m looking for the moron who was Twittering at the movies the other night so I can waterboard him.

Okay, I can’t be sure he was Twittering. But despite 50 feet of Technicolor straight ahead of me, once the glare of his Blackberry seared my retina, this jerk became the focus of all my attention. Attempting to count his thumb strokes, I determined that his manic bursts never exceeded 140 characters. Aha! Must be Twitter. Besides, he reekked of self-involvement that seemed clearly at odds with his lack of self-consciousness. I bet those were his best sweatpants-nice choice.

Looking at the resume again, I decided to set up a phone appointment to see why the candidate so freely used the term “expert.” To me, that implies some track record of success and I wanted to find out more about how he defined a successful social media campaign. I suppose to protect his real world reputation we should give him a name. Let’s call him Earl. I made the call.

After the introductions and diversionary pleasantries I began the interrogation. “So Earl, tell me about your most successful social media initiative”.“Well, what do you mean by success” he asked. “No, Earl, that’s the point” I said in a tone that masked my premature frustration. But I knew where this was going. “What do YOU mean by success?”

“For Company X, I used Twitter to talk about my client’s company. I watched for trends and made direct contacts with some who looked like good potential customers. We ended up with over 350 followers for this thread and got a lot of traffic to the company website. I also found blogs that looked like they might be read by prospective customers and I participated in those. I linked to some videos on YouTube, then …” With visions of water pouring over Earl’s hooded head I interrupted. I couldn’t take it anymore, not another one of these guys.

“Hold on a second Earl. I was at the movies the other night and swear I saw a guy a couple of rows in front of me doing pretty much the same thing. The clients I answer to might want some details. You know, pesky things like what was the total investment? How much incremental revenue was attributable to marketing ? What was the return on marketing ? What was the estimated value of media exposures achieved? What was the media exposure return on marketing investment and how was that calculated? Given current economic conditions, marketers are being held accountable for performance. How to you quantify success? ” I knew I was being tough. If only he hadn’t said he was an expert. Or if he owned up to being the guy in the theater.

There was a pause. I could hear him thinking Wow, that’s cool. I didn’t know you could measure that stuff. Finally Earl explained his concept of success. “I create buzz by starting conversations. I get people to my clients’ website without their having to buy media or pay for clicks. Social media is about transparency.”

“Excuse me Earl, but you did all this for free? And you represented yourself as a marketer for Company X”?

We talked for another minute or two and that was that. Earl never confessed to assaulting me with his Blackberry. Even if he was the guy in the theater, I don’t think he had the capacity to understand that he did anything wrong. After all, he was a social media marketer on the job. Maybe he is right. After all, the movie was Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood. I confess that had some degree of influence. But be advised. Social marketers without success metrics better stay off my lawn.

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1 Comment »

  1. This article made me laugh, but you make a very valid point, now we just need everyone else to read it!

    Comment by Gaby Vazquez — September 26, 2009 @ 7:04 pm

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